Trouble in marriage almost always begins in our minds through the things we choose to think about. We allow fantasies to take residence in our minds and they quickly move to our hearts. I doubt many people set out with the intention to have a romantic relationship with someone outside of their marriage. It usually grows from an innocent friendship with someone of the opposite sex. This relationship may be with a person whom we work with, a neighbor or even someone from our church with whom we discuss spiritual topics.
The trouble begins when that person gains a place in our hearts and minds. We start to make excuses for the time we spend with them. We go to lunch or meet somewhere to talk and text or call the person while at home. In his book, Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage, Goddard explained,
"The devil's methods for tricking us are predictable. Trouble starts with behaviors that seem very innocent. We do good, helpful things: supporting a troubled neighbor, sharing gospel ideas with a ward member, working closely with another person on a ward activity, listening to the troubles of a co-worker. All of these kindnesses are good. But the trouble begins as a person starts to feel responsible or very close to someone who is not his or her marriage partner. An affection is growing that claims part of the heart that belongs only to the spouse."
He also reminds us of the covenants we make with God when we are married. We covenanted to avoid all sexual relations outside of marriage. This not only includes physical relationships but also any romantic relationship, even those that are only mental or emotional.
With the increase in social media, it is easy for us to find old flames or chat with members of the opposite sex. This can begin innocently but easily can become a distraction from the one who should have our whole heart and attention.
I have a girlfriend who accepted a friend request from an old high school boyfriend on Facebook. He then said hello and asked how her life was now. They messaged back and forth for a while and caught up on their lives since high school. Then he started to reminisce about the past adventures they had together. This brought up feelings she had not thought about for years. She began to think of all the sweet memories she had of him, all the fun, happy, carefree times and the many qualities she had loved about him. These memories and daydreams made her feel dissatisfied with her life now and with her husband. Fortunately she quickly realized her mistake. She prayed to Heavenly Father to help her control her thoughts and she never responded to the past boyfriend again.
Something that begins innocently can quickly turn to emotional, mental or physical infidelity if we are not alert to signs of danger and monitoring our behavior. I may be a bit extreme, but I don't believe men and women can be friends unless your spouse is included in that friendship. I do not text or call any men (unless for church business) nor do I chat with any on social media. This may be extreme but I choose to give my sweet companion all the loyalty and spousal trust I can. He is my one and only best friend. Why would I need another?
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