Genograms (week 4)

This week I made a genogram. You might be thinking what is a genogram and why would you want to make one or for what purpose. A genogram charts the marital history in your family of origin. My chart shows three generations of marital patterns. It starts with my grandparents and moves down the line to me. This helps me understand my families pattern and how they are likely to affect my relationship with my spouse.

Here is an example of what a genogram looks like:

I come from grandparents on both sides who were married over fifty years. All of their children except for one are also married to their first spouse. And I only have 1 cousin who is divorced. In my family, two of my sisters have broken marriages, one was annulled and one divorced. Surprisingly few in a 3 generation family. I would also add that all of the divorces are not by my family members choice.

Someone might think we just got lucky. Or it is because we are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and know that marriages are eternal and families are sealed for eternity. I don't believe either of these are the case here. My parents converted shortly after being married and there are no other members in either of their families. I believe its a pattern set long ago. My grandparents and their parents and their parents before them began a legacy of sticking together through good and bad times. Is it genetic? I don't think so. I believe its a choice. My family tree isn't devoid of mental disorders, addictions, adultery or even law breakers. All of my ancestors had weaknesses and trials to overcome. Did they choose their spouses well? Perhaps. Or they just chose to overlook the annoyances and shortcomings, to forgive and let go, to be loyal and hardworking, to love fiercely and always put family first. 

If your genogram looks different than mine, if it is filled with broken lines and heartbreak, does that mean you are also destined to continue on the same path as your ancestors? NO. We can change the pattern of our genogram. We can start to chart our own genogram beginning with us and be the solid chain that links our children and grandchildren. We can be the example of a new family pattern of love, loyalty and strength for future generations to follow.