Marriage and In-Laws (week 13)

When we get married we marry into a new family with new traditions and new ways of doing things. Sometimes our new in-laws can be demanding and unbending. Sometimes we are the ones who are difficult and stubbornly hold to the traditions and customs of our family of origin. For building a successful and happy marriage we must learn to love our new family. Understand that they are the ones who gave birth to and raised the one you now have vowed to love for all eternity. We should cleave to our spouse being supportive and faithful and we begin our own family traditions. But we do not need to forget our parents.

As a parent of married children, our relationship changes when they get married. We allow them to become independent of us and adapt our expectations on their time. It is more difficult than I thought it would be. When my son was married it was my first experience being a mother in-law. I had a much greater appreciation for my mother in-law, and some guilt. I wish I had been more patient and understanding. My mother and father in-law have both passed away.

When my grandson was born my daughter in-law allowed me to be in the room. It was so kind and thoughtful of her and it really made me feel bonded to her. It made me wish I had done the same for my mother in-law. She would have loved it. Had I been more mature I would have realized the great love she had for me and how much she wished to be close to me. I was young and foolish when I was married and had a difficult time letting go of my family of origin. 

My advice for newly married couples would be to establish boundaries but love and honor your parents. For parents of married children, allow your child to bond and cleave to their new spouse. As difficult as it is to relinquish being #1 in your son's or daughter's life, it is crucial for their happiness in their new relationship. You will find you did not loose a child but gained another. By giving them space your in-law will feel greater love for you and cherish your thoughtfulness and support.